Last Sunday we had over 400 neighborhood kids, parents and grandparents at our barn looking at the decorated horses and stalls at our “Not So Spooky Shindig.” After the event I was taking out the trash while the middle schoolers in the neighborhood across from our barn turned on full blast this rap-cop-killer-every-other-word-the-F-bomb “music.” Without thinking, I started walking toward them with the idea of giving them the “if looks could kill eye,” and then giving them some “constructive criticism” as I complained about how awful the music was. However, three steps into my walk to tell them off (cause I truly hate that music), I stopped. Turning around, I started doing my best rendition of Chubby Checker’s Twist as I walked back to the barn while cracking up at myself.
I’m pretty sure those boys were expecting a ton of criticism and complaints from the old guy who had been walking toward them, but instead we all had a good laugh (at least if they saw my dance moves).
Bottom line Upfront: We can scientifically prove that most Christ Followers, male and female, suffer with something I’m calling “complainarrhea.” A definition for it would be, “continuously criticizing others.” It’s our number one spiritual struggle as God’s people.
What’s so dangerous about it is that most of us do not even realize how much of a critical attitude we carry every day, or how much it stinks and turns off those around us. It ruins our chance to bring Jesus to others and give the cause of Christ a chance to take hold.
What makes it ten times worse is something we discovered this past week. I’ve been working on a research project for the largest publicly held Christian Media organization. They were absolutely shocked to learn in their audience survey (consisting mostly of mature believers) that the number one spiritual struggle being faced was criticism. What made it doubly bad for them was discovering that out of all of their content they had none on criticism.
It makes sense, living in today’s chaotic world. We have no power over the 24-hour news cycle, so it’s all too easy to become critical. The political and social landscape, combined with constant media consumption, feeds this tendency. From our research, the overwhelming reason many Christians struggle to witness or disciple effectively stems from complainarrhea having become so pervasive and almost automatic.
It goes beyond a syndrome. Complainarrhea is a fact of life for many. As we grow older, this habit often worsens, and without realizing it, we compromise our testimony and ability to disciple others. James 4:11-12 warns us plainly:
“Do not criticize one another… Who do you think you are to judge someone else?”
Yet, criticism remains the number one spiritual struggle for Christians around the world, regardless of gender or geography.
I vividly recall something from growing up when I was also considering walking away from everything that had to do with Jesus. My Aunt Al, who was typically calm and loving, had an unexpected outburst. My cousin Ernie and I, being typical teenage boys, had done something pretty non-Christian to his little brother Carl. It completely irritated Aunt Al.
I am not saying that Ernie and I didn’t deserve it, but she told us in no uncertain terms what spiritual losers we would become if we didn’t change our evil ways. In an attempt to deflect her anger, Ernie quoted a line from our favorite Anacin commercial at the time:
“I know you’re tense and irritable, but don’t take it out on me.”
I laughed in Aunt Al’s face thinking it would lighten the situation. It didn’t help at all—her frustration escalated into full-blown rage.
Reflecting on this, today, I realize as I was beginning to drift away from Jesus in those teenage years, the growing criticism of older Christians seemed to only push me away faster. No matter what I did, even the good things, they always seemed to find fault. Since my behavior didn’t change, I saw firsthand how pervasive and damaging a critical spirit can be within the body of Christ. I believe it has become the primary reason so many people stay away.
However, with over a half million surveys, the data speaks for itself. Out of all the spiritual struggles people experience day-to-day, criticizing others ranks among the highest. Whether it’s paired with spiritual laziness, anger, or worry, Christians seem particularly vulnerable to falling into patterns of judgment and complaint. For men, it ranks just after spiritual laziness and a lack of growth. For women, it’s second only to fear.
We know it's a problem, but do we recognize just how much it hinders our walk with Christ?
A Call to Change
The Bible repeatedly urges us to guard our tongues and hearts. Proverbs 18:21 reminds us that "the tongue has the power of life and death," and Ephesians 4:29 says, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up." As followers of Christ, we are called to speak life, to encourage, and to build one another up—not to tear down with our complaints.
If we are to mentor, disciple, or even simply be a light in this world, we must first deal with this critical spirit. It starts with acknowledging the problem and surrendering it to Christ. Philippians 2:14-15 challenges us to "do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation."
Tough words to hear when looking in the mirror at what we’ve become as God’s people. Is complainarrhea something you’ve struggled with and overcome? Are you going through it now? Please reply to share how God led you out of it or is leading you after this challenge.
Send your comments to me here.
-Arnie
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